I see it now as if it were only yesterday. The crowd was screaming and taunting and mocking. The anger and fear was so thick, I stepped out into the street to find out what all the commotion was about and then I saw him. My mind began to swirl and I couldn’t seem to grasp what I beheld. My son? What were they doing to my son? He has never harmed anyone. Why were they taking him through the streets and to where? I followed him as closely as I could, I caught his gaze and held it and I saw my baby. I saw him running in the streets when he was five and teaching the elders at twelve. I almost smiled but my tears wouldn’t allow me to.
My son…
When the soldiers laid him down and began to drive the nails in his hands and in his feet, I thought I would die, I wanted to take his place, my son, my sweet, sweet son. Our time together has been so short, his life is really just beginning, God, Why?
God sent the Word to me through an angel telling me I was favored, I was going to have a son and to call his name Jesus, Yeshua. Seeing him suffering, and dying like a common thief, when I know he is a Wonderful Counselor, He is the Prince of Peace, He is the Rose of Sharon, he is my son. The Word came through the angel saying I was favored, I do not feel so favored now kneeling, watching my heart bleeding and dying.
As I lifted my head, our eyes locked, and I felt him, I remembered how I would soothe his bumps and bruises, how I would cradle him and sing to him, I felt favored then. Not so much now. But, something is happening, I no longer hear the sound of the crowd, only his raspy breathing. He opens his mouth to speak but no words exit his lips. From that special place of knowing that exists oftentimes between mothers and sons, between parent and child, I heard his heart.
His heart said, “Woman, how can I return the favor? I see your grief, your longing and your agony. I am preparing to leave you, but I am not going to leave you comfortless? What can I give you to thank you for all you have done for me?” My heart responded to his and I felt myself singing,
“For the 9 months I carried you growing inside me $NO CHARGE. For the nights I sat up with you doctored you and prayed for you $NO CHARGE. For the time and tears and the costs through the years there is NO CHARGE. When you add it all up the full cost of my love is $NO CHARGE…”
Pastoral Care and Bereavement 101 indicates that :Suffering calls for a response and the Word responded to my grief and pain, the Word responded to my immediate condition and met me right where I was. The Incarnate One does not dismiss my agony or minimize my suffering. He sees me and acknowledges the loss that I am kneeling in the midst of. Pastoral Care and Bereavement 101, Suffering Calls for a Response.
While I attest that bearing witness to the brutal murder of my son, the pouring out of his innocent blood into the soil, was one of the most difficult days of my life and even now in these tough days and those that lie ahead, I’m so glad that Pastoral Care comes with a Bereavement Plan. I’m glad there is a plan in place to help me through the dark days after I leave this hill. I’m glad there is a bereavement plan to comfort me when I look for my son and I cannot find him, when I go into the room he once occupied or look at his vacant seat at the table- I’m so glad that my troubles won’t last always. I’m that on that day on a hill far away he instituted a Bereavement plan. The first piece of the plan was that the disciple needed to be called and then he needed to show up. Not just send a message to check on me but he showed up physically.
This one needed to be present on the scene and ready for the task at hand. Secondly, he did not say one word, but just held the moment sacred and allowed me time to grieve. He did not say one thing but allowed me the space and time to grieve. The Bereavement plan included after-care that extended beyond the moment. When all my family returned home, when all my friends stopped coming by, the days, months, weeks and years that followed make me glad for the Bereavement plan that provided presence, active listening and the promise of continued support through my journey.
Then, as now, the Word still responds to suffering. My dear friends, my dear beloved, if we will find that sacred place that often exists between parents and children to block out much that is going on around us, to quiet our hearts and listen and allow the Word will restore the favor. The Pre-existent Word spoke to me and in my darkest hour of love, anger and fear, grief and pain this same Word that first came to me through an angel telling me I was to have a son because I had found favor with God was now seeing me as I was face to face.
Something in my son shifted, yet his eyes never left mine. I felt the hands of the disciple whom he loved enfold me as I listened to my son’s heart and His spirit said to me,” let me return to you the favor, let me restore to you the status favor you once enjoyed and celebrated” before this moment. The
Word first came to me through an angel, but now, the WORD was now speaking for itself, The Word- the Word that became flesh and dwelt among us, was speaking for himself and said to me in a voice that was both voice clear and strong, The Word, Begotten of the Father said again unto me, “ Hail Mary, full of favor. The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb.” Woman, behold, thy son.
